I have been hesitating on my first blog post. I have been waiting for inspiration on what to post about. Or maybe that is just an excuse I tell myself. We all do it right? "I really want to do this and that...but I can't because of so and so..." But what are those excuses really about? Most of the time for me it is fear...or self doubt. Even for me with the launch of my new website...the creative process for this started in July 2014. Then it halted the end of August because I froze. I asked myself... "What am I even doing here?" "Is this really what I am doing with my life? This was not my original plan." I spent the last 5 years in this new career path to get to this point of launching my own practice...and then I froze...and was about to throw in the towel. Seriously I was putting my resume together to look to go back to the corporate world. Why did I freeze? Because of fear and self doubt. What if my attempt to build a private practice failed? What if I suck at my job? What if I'm terrible yoga teacher and everyone hates my class? What if I can't make enough money to pay my bills, go on vacations and save for the future? You see how this is a downward spiral...one fear leads to another fear... and then you end up in hole....stuck...and wondering what is the easy path out? For me...it seemed easier to throw in the towel and go back to my old life...the life that was not a fit for me. But wait, how is a life that didn't feel true to me better than the life I have loved living for the past five years? (well, with many bumps and challenges in that too). Backwards is not option...Not with all the work I put in to get here. So I turned to my yoga and meditation practice....when things get tough, anxiety takes over, and I don't know how to move forward...I know if I sit quietly and breathe I will find an answer...not always quickly...but with patience and knowing everything is how it should be, it will happen.
This makes me think about how my yoga practice has helped me work through my self made road blocks. (because many of our road blocks are self created anyway). In December I spent 2 weeks with my yoga teacher Maty Ezraty. Maty teaches a very strict alignment based asana class. She has the most precise alignment cues that make you work harder than you ever have physcially or mentally in a pose. She makes you hold poses longer than you ever thought you could, breaking down your mental barriers to help you get out your head...or to until you get so tired of the mental struggle that you finally just soften, laugh and let go. During a challenging practice one day when you could tell a lot of us were drained and getting down ourselves on whatever pose we were working on in that moment. She said, "You Don't get to give yourself a hard time. Be in the pose where you are at - and determine where you need to work - and pick the path that is best for you. Honor your efforts you put in today and be content with your work. " So for me, this where I learn from my yoga practice - What she said in that moment can be translated to anything you are working on in your life. My reactions on my yoga mat teach me where I need to work in my day to day life.
So yes, I moved forward. My website was completed the beginning of December. And yes....I did take some time to share it....a good month and half before I got up the courage to release it. And another month to release my first blog post. My steps forward are getting bigger and bigger. Once you let go of past disappointments, wounds, "failed" jobs, "failed" relationships and you see them as places to learn and grow from...you don't let the past stop you from moving forward nor do you worry about the future so much anymore...you trust that everything is how it should be at this very moment...whether it's a good moment or a bad moment...
And What does it mean to fail anyway?? Isn't just having the courage to try in the first place success in itself? Taking that first step is half the battle. So what if it doesn't end up how we originally planned...
The other morning I received an email from a spiritual teacher of mine and it pretty much sums up what I needed to hear at that very moment after a weird week of some discouragement, old resentments coming to the surface and slight dip in my optimism about another area of my life...an area I have been holding back in and I didn't actually realize it until I got this message.
"Enthusiasm is half the journey to success...and all of the journey to joy. If you are going to do something do it with gusto...Don't do anything half-heartedly. That dishonors the doing and the doer. So Go For It. Holding Nothing Back. In Life. Or Love. Or anything at all."
Now thinking back to my block with my website...what was it that got me over my fear...It was my enthusiasm. I was not going to half ass it anymore. I thought to myself...If I am continuing on this career path I am going for it. I am going to have a professional website, photos, logo, and a space to hold my business in. And I am going to share and talk about what I am doing. No holding back.
The thing is...when you get enthusiasm in one area of your life...it can't help but eventually wake up other areas that have been quiet as well.
Where are you being too hard on yourself...I bet you don't give yourself enough credit for what you have accomplished and overcome. Be kind to yourself.
Where in your life are you holding back? Where has fear/self doubt/past experiences taken over? Have you lost enthusiasm for anything? What can you do to get excited about something in your life? Is it a new hobby you have been wanting to get into? A New perspective on a situation?
It can be something as simple as moments/words/experiences shared with our friends, romantic partners, co-workers, clients, strangers you pass by, etc... Because those are the moments that make all of this matter, right? Or maybe it's just listening to your favorite song, playing music, writing, reading, painting...all of these things inspire enthusiasm and that leads to JOY.
Get enthusiastic and show up for your life...Be Present...Find things that make life fun, interesting, vibrant...Be silly, laugh at yourself and don't take yourself and all of this too seriously....